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For the first time in many years, a friend of ours traveled from his rural
town to the city to attend a movie.
After buying his ticket he stopped at the concession stand to purchase
some popcorn.
Handing the attendant $1.50, my friend couldn't help but comment, "The
last time I came to the movie, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to
enjoy yourself. We have sound now."
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To: All EMS Personnel
From: Chief of Operations
Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions
It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms
that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative
direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to
refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients,
such as the following.
1) Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).
2) Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use
CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.
3) Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go boom),TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."
4) HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."
5) Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not
considered "pharmaceutically gifted."
6) Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."
7) The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen", nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge".
8) And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).
I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our
patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper
narratives and log entries.
***************************************
A man is driving up a steep narrow mountain road.
A woman is driving down the same road.
As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells. Pig"!
The man immediately leans out his window and replies "Bitch"!
They each continue on their way, as the man rounds the next corner, he crashed into a pig in the middle of the road.
If only men would listen.
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A penguin is vacationing in America.
While driving through Arizona, he notices that the oil pressure light is on, so he gets out to look and sees oil oozing out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot.
He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.
After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the mechanic shop and asks if they have determined the problem.
The mechanic looks up and says, "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
"No, no..." the penguin replies, "its just ice cream."
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